Monday, October 26, 2009

For God's sake!

I normally keep myself a safe distance away from these stories because I get all wound up and shrill and start screaming to anyone who will listen or even pretend to listen.But, for some reason, in the recent past many of these foul stories have wafted into my unwilling ears. Of business tycoons making giant gold vessels for the lord, of superstars and their generous gifts of jewellery, of XYZ consulting ltd having performed every pooja and obtained every prasad from every temple there is, and indulging in their fraudulent deeds while eating said prasad.

We have become so adept at the “khilana-khana” system that we have even resorted to khilaaoing GOD!!

In a seminar I attended immediately after qualification, I was told that it is part of the CAs job to know where n who n how much to bribe under which table to get your job done.Theres a code of conduct, which if breached will result in the complete flop of mission tax evasion.

So it follows that some code must apply even to khilaaoing the Supreme being.The following are 5 golden rules to guilt free violation/offence/crime committing. Follow them strictly and you are assured of your cushy cloud couch in heaven.

Rule 1: The percentage cut for the omnipresent heavenly father is fixed on an industry wise standard as under:-
Show business: - (25% of a) - b
Politicians: - (40% of a)
Petroleum and other such lucrative businesses: - (25% of a) -b
Real estate: - (50% of a) - b
Software export and other tax free businesses: - (50% of a)
Chartered accountants, govt officials and other regulators: (20% of c)
Anonymous donations: - (25% of a) + amount spent to keep the temple officials from squealing your identity.

a :- earnings on which tax was successfully evaded
b: - amount pushed into the tax officials mouths.
c: - income generated from being agreeable

The above list is only an extract. The exhaustive industry wise list being too voluminous for this blog.

Rule 2: An additional 2% of (a) above has to be added for every repeat of the crime/offence/violation.The contribution has to be deposited in the jurisdictional temple within 30 days of committing the crime/offence/violation or receiving the money whichever is earlier.

Rule 3: If the misdeed results in illicit foreign currency earnings, then there has to be a premium present made. One before and one after doing the deed.

Rule 4: For any thing done in collaboration with the mafia , presents in simple precious metal are not sufficient. At least two of the following four have to be included: - Diamonds, rubies, sapphires, emeralds.

Rule 5: If for some reason beyond the control of the generous donor, the present exceeds the prescribed %, credit will be given for the excess amount gifted can be set off against future crime/offence/violation for a period of 8 years.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Bollywood bonanza!!

Friday...means the onset of the weekend to most, but to me it means a new movie. Since as far back as I can remember I have been in enraptured by the silver screen..more so with Bollywood. To pay tribute to this relationship, here's the list of top 10 things that keep the fire alive in my love affair with Bollywood.

10) Rebirth...the splitting head aches and the visions of a past life that are associated with them!!

9) Nagins.. specially the "icchadari" is so cool how they can transform into snakes slither into enemy territory, accomplish their tasks and then take human form again!.. So beats wolverine hollow!!

8) Judwaa behans and bhais...more importantly the ones that "bichdoed" at birth...and the resultant hurt caused to one causes pain to inevitably there is a huge hugging crying reunion..Chaalbaz is to date one of my favourite movies...

7) The kickass dialogues...kutte!!.. main tera khoon pi jaoonga!...bhagwan ke liye mujhe chod do! or even the classic Bachao!!!!! So truly articulate!

6) The big bad guy...loved those movies with the villain...Mogambo, Gabbar Singh...the way they always manage to hold the herione hostage...n how he and his million goons are no match for the hero!...too bad we stopped making these kinda movies.. :D

5) Ma! she understands u don't love the man u r marrying...the tikka applying...the tear wiping...putting u to sleep on her lap...filmi mas almost never let you down...:D

4) The dream sequences..the hero and heroine being magically transported to snowcapped mountains or lush green valleys where they declare their love, wrapped in each others arms..the chiffon sarees, the gorgeous men in suits..n how its always perfect...:)

3) Aamir Khan...its probably cos of him that I'm such a big fan of Hindi movies to begin with...from Qayamat se qayamat tak to Dil to Akele hum akele tum to Hum hain rahi pyar ke to Dil chahta hai to Rang de basanti to taare zameen par...each movie makes me love him more...

2) The fashion...from the famous Sadhana cut to the big bun Sharmila tagore had on her head, from Madhuris frilly, lacy frocks to Priyanka chopras golden swimming costume...i love how filmi fashion takes the country by storm...

1) The song and dance routines....this is my absolute fave....tu cheez badi hai mast mast...kaho na pyaar hai...bole chudiyan...dhoom girl...the way all our actors can sing perfectly on key...come up with lyrics and tunes all while magically co-ordinating their joy, love, sorrow, success and even lust, musically...makes talking look so dull...

For all this and much more..marte dam tak main bollywood se pyaar karti rahoongi ;)

Thursday, July 16, 2009

The best things in life are edible!!!

Spanish omelet, toast and aromatic hot coffee for breakfast...fragrant yellow dal on steaming white rice for lunch with spicy veggies and papad...and a nice pasta for dinner...there!! That's all it takes for me to have a great day!!

Since I was really young I have been fascinated by the kitchen and food!..It was like magic.. How my mum and grand mum would put a little of this and a pinch of that, give it a quick stir and voila!! I would devour recipe books, host mock cookery shows while i made Maggi at age 9, Sanjeev Kapoor was a rock star and I knew that this is what I wanted to do 'when I grow up'. Create and serve edible wonders!!

Today, I may be slightly off track with the career thing but food is still my first love, my meditation, what truly makes me feel alive. I like to think that what you eat and how u eat is an expression of who you are. The sight of chocolate melting always takes my breath away...the smell of cookies in the oven is my aromatherapy..making the worlds best chocolate cake is on my bucket list, and nothing makes me happier than hearing a satisfied 'mmmm' from my dining table...I believe that good food appeals to all my senses...the colours..the fragrances..the tastes..the textures, the sizzling, crackling, crunchy sounds. It is such an integral part of my life..I celebrate with food..if Im upset, I seek food ( Im writing this post as a pick me up)..the tone of my entire day is set by what i ate for breakfast and my dying wish would be for a chocolate brownie I think, or maybe strawberry cheesecake, no..a haleem maybe..ooh perhaps a cheese and mushroom omelet...or....Crap! haven't thought this through..!

It is said that they way to a mans heart is through his stomach, but the way to my very girly heart is also most definitely through my stomach..Feed me a satisfying meal, whether at a fancy restaurant or at a roadside bandi and you are assured a place of unfair advantage in my heart!!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Go Planet

World environment day on 5Th June got me thinking about Going Green!...Captain Planet is my all time favourite superhero and I have always dreamed of being a planeteer!!... I was reading online about little everyday things that we can change to save our planet n this post was born! if the millions of people who read my blog(wipe that look off your faces..its true!) adopt at least one of these small greenisms then i will be ready to take oath as a planeteer!

Greenism 1:Line dry -- like grandma used to do.
Dry your clothes on a laundry line rather than throwing them in the dryer. Clothes dyers are the third-largest energy users in the home, behind the refrigerator and washing machine

Greenism 2: Take it outside
At least once in a while, skip the treadmill and take your walking or jogging routine outdoors. Its better for you and the planet that you get some fresh air. And who knows, you might meet a beautiful girl walking her dog in the bargain. ;)

Greenism 3: Think Ink!
Pens are tossed into the garbage and not recycled or reused. The bodies are often made of plastic and contain environmentally damaging chemical. Instead buy a lovely ink pen that will serve you for years..You will be helping Mother Earth and giving yourself a touch of class.

Greenism 4: Old is Gold..
Many book lovers (me included) need to hold that book in their hands when they read. We are slowly moving towards e- books but if that's too much for you to handle you can always find plenty of used books for sale at cheaper prices at used bookstores( read pavements in Koti), and library sales. Also instead of buying for a friend a book you loved, give him your copy.
(P.S for any authors who might be offended by this one, I'm sorry..the planet is a priority!)

Greenism 5:Paper or plastic? Neither. The right answer is cloth!
Use reusable cloth bags. Do you forget to take them with you?..Have a multiple sets and leave one in your car/bike/handbag at all times..They are really easy to make/buy and will last forever!

Greenism 6: Switch to Fresh!
As far as possible, resist purchases of canned fruit, vegetables and meat. Think about the damage to the environment caused by the packaging, the transportation,the refrigeration..Buy local produce!

Greenism 7:Unplug electronic appliances.
I'm one of those people who never really understood physics so I don't know how this one works but news is that its true!!..Even when not in use, DVD players, televisions, stereos, printers, and other appliances continue using a small amount of power. So go ahead and pull out that plug..U are saving yourself some money as well!!

Greenism 8: Banish the body wash
Use soap bars..It's cheaper and has less packaging. Also body wash is primarily water, so the fuel costs for transporting it are higher because it weighs more. And while you are in the shower here's another thing you can do for the planet...invite a shower buddy..showering with your guy/girl can be a lot more fun than doing it isn't that a steamy way to do your bit for the environment? ;D

Greenism 9: Reuse!
Cd's are dirt cheap today which has made all of us copy something onto them that we could have copied/ distributed some other way. Use pen drives, email. If you must use a CD and when the information in it is of no value to you...reuse!..use them as pretty candle holders, coasters or if you are the artsy type use it as a paint palette..

Greenism 10: Step up

More often than not we take the elevator to places we could have easily climbed the stairs to..starting today..take the stairs..good for your health..good for the planet and great for sculpting your bottom..;) I call that a win win situation!!

These are my 10 greenisms..some borrowed from all over the web and some that i have grown up with..If there are any you would like to share..Go ahead! Leave a comment..
Captain Planet needs all the help he can get!!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Namaste Nepal

People smoking in the airport,
Plummeting down an eighty degree slope in a taxi,
Delicious wood fired pizza and cold ginger beer,
Listening to a 8yr old sing "we dont need no education"
Intoxicating, overwhelming, astounding, exciting...NEPAL!

Blue cross hospital for people,
A cell phone charging point with a "charge at ur own risk" board,
An educational photo shoot with women clinging on to barbed wire fences!,
Getting hit by a taxi in Thamel,
Surprising, confusing, amazing, dangerous... NEPAL!

Discovering the pure, untouched beauty of Bandipur,
Meeting wonderfully warm people,
Eating fabulously yummy food,
Being in the presence of true love,
Exhilarating, relaxing,fattening, uplifting...NEPAL!!

The phool patti restaurant in gorkha,
The gloom of not seeing the mountains,
Discovering that my body can take a steep climb of 6hrs under the merciless sun,
The thunderstorm that revealed the beautiful snow capped peaks,
Hilarious, depressing, awe inducing, exhausting....NEPAL!!

Exploring the valley alone!
Learning to communicate in ali ali Nepali
Taking a million photographs,
Meeting a nepali who has seen more of India than me,
Eye opening, educational, therapeutic, fascinating....NEPAL!!

Coffee and breakfast with misha n phil,
The wonderfulness of getting to really know phil,
Getting tipsy and acting weird over a 6 course meal,
Bringing back a bag full of souveneirs and a heart full of lovely memories,
Fabulous, familiar, heartwarming, heart wrenching...NEPAL!!

This ones dedicated to my favourite couple...mish n phil!!

Monday, March 30, 2009


As kids we thought birthday parties and saw visions of balloons, cake, presents, party hats and the birthday boy/girl...this week i attended a party with no balloons, no presents, no party hats...just biryani, booze and dessert!!...but it was essentially the same as the parties we attended as kids!!..When u look back u don't remember the events...but u see a blur of smiling faces, loads of laughs and alternately bullying and being bullied!!...

I am an extremely reluctant socializer and I surprised myself by how much fun i had!!..I was sharing the arm of the couch with Kinky when i got this (vodka+cranberry+appyfizz+ sprite+redbull)* 5 induced enlightenment!!...As i spotted them from behind Kinky i realised how cute each one of them is...So here they are in order of their appearance from behind Kinky's back!!
Arjun singh!!...aka the dude who buys the booze!!...i love him..he is one of the most genuinely sweet guys i have met!! (plus he loved my i love him more)

Arvind!!..I have always wondered why he has not been grabbed and pasted with a 'no trespassing' notice by a woman!!...that's one eligible bachelor!!(at least that's what i know ;)

Dilip and Upasana...Sunday marked the return of Dileef for 3mths n the non alcohol induced high of upsi!!...i guess distance does make the heart grow fonder!!

Josh and Emmi...the cool dudes!!...josh my chocolate craving twin and emmi who marched for animal welfare with me!!

Archana!!.. the lady of the house!!whispering gossip in my ear!!making sure everyone had a drink n that Kushang was not finishing all the food!!

Pstar!!...her first car giving her a bigger high than the alcohol!!...(or was it the drive with a certain individual)...hmmmm!!

Alekh!!...making sure I had a drink!! grrr!!..being himself..asking embarrassing questions!!..i think the word incorrigible was coined after alekh was seen in action!!

Nitin!!..rechristened shahid kapur for the night!!...lounging on the bean bag!!

Anant!!...a guy i have fought with even before i have met properly!!...n I'm so glad we have been given the chance to get reacquainted!!

Kinky!! boyfriend bashing-working lunch having-traffic jam phone call friend!!...ummaah!!

N the final spotting making me the happiest!!...Kushang moorthy...aka kirrr!!..aka my man!! wine glass in hand!!..the man who introduced me to all these lovely people...

And i realised that Im not part of the AGENCY the AGENCY is a part of who I am!! ;) [ couldnt help making a dramatic end!! ;) ]

Thursday, March 19, 2009


Its official!!!...SUMMER is here!!...The sensex maybe falling but the mercury is on a bull run..!!

As i was walking to the bank, I saw the familiar signs of the arrival of summer...the old uncles with the umbrellas...the sugarcane juice bandis!!...N i got to reminiscing about the things that define summer for me....
  • The two month long freedom from school uniforms n homework n surprise tests... :D
  • The bottomless glasses of ganna juice on the rocks!!
  • The sheer bliss of splashing around in the pool with friends!!
  • The lazy afternoons sprawled on the cool floor playing pictionary!!
  • Digging my teeth into the juicy watermelon half moons..
  • Fighting over whose turn it is to fill the air cooler...
  • Dancing in front of the cooler with chunnis!!
  • Gorging on full mangoes blissfully unaware of the juice flowing down my elbows onto my clothes...
  • Lying on the terrace in the night n trying to spot constellations in the clear summer sky!!
  • The summer showers bringing much needed respite from the scorching heat!!..
  • Those cricket matches where it was a six if the ball hit the wall but u were out if it went over the wall...
  • Reading Enid blyton n hoping to find an enchanted wood of my own...
  • Making our own ice cream by filling glasses with RASNA and freezing them with spoons as sticks...
When i think back i realise that despite the fact that we had no AC to combat the heat then, summers always meant joy, happiness, freedom and loads of fun!!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Give time a break!!

Yesterday, I started my bike, put on the helmet n realised that I had left my headset at I was going to ride to banjara hills without music for company...if not for my swollen knee n inability to kick the bike again I would have gone up home n brought it...

So when im riding along grudgingly, i thought....

I go to yoga for peace n i plan my day while i do my suryanamaskaras....
I read the newspaper and have breakfast...!!
I listen to music while I bathe...
I watch TV/read a magazine while I have lunch...
I surf facebook while I talk to my friends on the phone...
I play FRIENDS in the background so I can listen to it while I work on the computer...
I always either listen to music or talk on my phone when I have to take a longish walk to someplace or I'm shopping alone....

I never just lie around on the swing in my house...
I never stare out of the window in my room...
I don't just sit on the terrace n look at traffic go by on the street...
I don't simply listen to music...
I don't go out with friends just to talk..there's breakfast or lunch or movie or play....

I wonder.... Have i become so obsessed with making the most of every minute that I'm now incapable of making the little moments count???

Friday, February 6, 2009

Maa da ladla bigad gaya!!

Right to freedom,
Right to Equality,
Right to Freedom of Religion,
Right against exploitation,
Cultural and educational rights,
Right to constitutional remedies..

The FUNDAMENTAL RIGHTS of every citizen of India...!

We are granted the freedom of religion but we are denied the right to express love... to the man/woman we want to..isn't it the most essential part of our lives? it completely hypocritical to be given the freedom to worship whichever god u want...but not to love the one you want???

I was visiting Delhi a while back n I read in the paper about the first Queer pride march in the capital.Considering that i don't even live there I felt I had to be there...n i was..waving the colours of the rainbow n getting deeply moved by the emotion...Men, women, kids...urging the govt to scrap Sec 377. To do away with the legislation that denies basic rights to lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transsexuals. Coaxing the judiciary to see that such restrictions on the most intimate aspect of private life are unnecessary in a democratic society that values tolerance and broadmindedness.

We as a country cannot stop feeling proud of our freedom from the British and yet even today we are slaves to our conservative thought processes. Doesn't being free mean being yourself??

The queer pride march was not just about Sec 377 of the IPC.
It was about accepting the totality of ourselves
It was about looking at your loved ones and daring to share a part of you that may make them turn away from you...
It was about realizing that in order for your love of yourself your parents, your friends, and you partner to grow and become fully realized they all have to first know who you are!!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Truly Madly Deeply!!

Love is like a book on rainy days,
A warm n cozy fire all ablaze..

Like laughing for no reason at all,
A midnight long distance phone call..

Like running bare feet on the sand
Having a puppy slobber all over ur hand...

Like a long moonlit motorbike ride,
Lying in bed n listening to the rain outside..

Like a nursery rhyme about twinkling stars,
Waking up n realising u can still sleep a few hours..:)

Like flowers blooming on a windowsill,
A picnic on a clover covered hill...

Love brings such contentment to the heart
Of all lives pleasures love's the sweetest part!!

This ones dedicated to sweetheart...the love of my life!!...the man I'm going to grow old with!!

Friday, January 9, 2009

My bucket list!!

I watched the movie(loved it)..n read a lovely blog post about it (aishu!!!)..i got tempted to write my own!!...... so here goes!!

1. to make the worlds best chocolate cake!!
2. to play guitar like a pro..
3. to speak at least 10 languages like people to whom its their mother tongue!!
4. to study food..n different countries..with people who really care about it!!
5. to own my own "Central perk"
6. to join aishu in her shelter for animals venture.. :)
7. to do a headstand.. :)
8. to do a full split ;)
9. to teach yoga
10. to go on a vacation alone..somewhere far far away from home where nothing is familiar..
11. to go skinny dipping in a lake at the crack of dawn...
12. to see India..closely..with my sweetheart!!
13. to run a full marathon!!...
14. to whistle with my fingers in my mouth!!..(minnu help!!)
15. to get a tattoo..i don't know of what yet!!..but i know i want one..
16. to buy my parents their retirement home...where mom can have her garden n dad can sit in it n drink beer!
17. to handpick from my own garden all my herbs n veggies i need to cook!!
18. to have waist length least for a while..

that's all i can think of right now...hoping to start crossing them off my list now!!